Being yourself [Writing a musical]

Generally speaking, making theatre isn't great business. I read the term "commercial philanthropy" in the transcript for this podcast and my heart sank. Theatre producers are giving theatremakers cash because they want to make more cash, sure, but they're also doing it because they, like, actually care about theatre. Similarly, the governments of some countries pour millions or billions of their currency units into the arts because a) they know the arts are a vital part of society and b) art costs money.

Focus

I'm writing a piece of musical theatre, but I'm struggling.

What do I need to focus on? Commercial appeal? Gorgeous and complex music? Gorgeous and complex lyrics? A small cast to placate producers? A large cast to increase the chance of enthusiastic amateurs attempting to stage it? Comedy because of this one article I read¹? Avoiding sounding like Sondheim because I'll never be him? Just fucking finishing something, no matter how good it is?

My first mistake is to be doing this alone, of course. Book, music and lyrics by dojo - what an idiot. Except I cannot escape this room I've entered, because collaboration doesn't work for me at the moment². So it's just me, a laptop and a rented piano.

Two lives

I am a native English speaker living in a country where most people speak English as a second or third language. I worked in tech until about three minutes ago, freshly jobless after a round of layoffs (handily euphemised by the still-employed execs as organizational change).

I've spent most of the past 15 years wishing I could make music full time, always grateful for my completely-unrelated-to-music skills that helped me hold on to said tech job, and always frustrated that I never found a healthy balance with the musical side of me that has always existed. I always figured it was simply a choice: a life that makes you money or a life that makes you happy.

Here are some vaguely paraphrased things that people have said to me about the things I have done:

"We've had sex to your music."

"You're not an artist. You need a persona, you can't just write songs."

"You're the most talented singer I've ever sat next to at karaoke."

"Dude, it's such a shame that you aren't taking this seriously. We should make a record together."

"You're basically the father of musical improv in [city]."

"We can't stop thinking about the show. When are you going to release a cast recording?"

Comments like this make me feel an absolute torrent of things. Less specifically, I am affected by them. But, to continue the metaphor from above, I cannot escape the other room I have entered, for inside it I have a pleasant flat, food to eat and, until four minutes ago, no doubt about where my salary is coming from. To exit this room, I either have to ✨make it big✨ or accept that my quality of life will very quickly degrade. Is art worth it? Probably, but I imagine my work is better when I am not hungry.

"Research"

Recently I've been reading a lot of things about musical theatre. Sometimes I tell myself I've worked on my show because I've been reading about musical theatre. Research is work, right? I assume there's already a term for this, but I will refer to it as wirk, which in German can mean "appear", "seem", "function" and more. I think you get it.

So as I sit at my computer, wirking hard, I ask myself what I should do with all this input. Should it have a material impact on the direction of my show? Redditor A just mentioned that Broadway show B is their favourite show ever because of compositional technique C! Should I spend 2 weeks trying to mimic that? Redditor D just mentioned that Broadway show E is the worst thing they've ever seen because of compositional technique C! Should I throw my computer into a lake?

I'd like to think that my work is best when, as well as being fed, I am being true to myself. Plenty of popular shows are, in my opinion, average. Plenty of average lyric-writing is set to gorgeous music. I can't stand sung-through musicals! I also like Hadestown! If I can't even consistently describe what I like, why should it matter? I should just write what I want, no?

Well, to return to the producers and their pockets - I don't know. I want to write something good. I also want to write something that will be produced. I also want to write something that people will want to watch. I also don't want to write Dear Evan Hansen, or Hamilton, Matilda, or even Standing at the Sky's Edge. I want to write my own show. So I suppose I should just be myself.